bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
