she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
