I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
