i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
