i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
