god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
