I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
