Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
