i just wanna soil my oats bro
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
