Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
