i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
