I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
