This is not my ceiling
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
