I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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