Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize