yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
