My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
