we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
