What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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