wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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