She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
