I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
