okay pat passed out under dana's car
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
