she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
