If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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