Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
