There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
