Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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