Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
