why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
