guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
