Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
