I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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