What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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