yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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