then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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