She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
