Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All the doctor said was why
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
