Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
