he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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