Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
