you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
