Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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