you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
