and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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