If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
