ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
