I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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