T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
