I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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