he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's blow job season.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
