do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
