I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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