We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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