I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
