I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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