im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
