I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
