I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found your dick twin last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
