I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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