the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
