kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
