i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
