You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
