on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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