whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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