apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
PANTIES FOUND
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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