i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
