There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
