You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
