Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize