sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
