I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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